Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this will be a night to untag.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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