we have officially lost it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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