Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
