HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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