Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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