I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
