just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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