i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize