Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
