problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
