The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I love you.
Bad choice
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
