She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
