People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
