if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
