Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
