I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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