We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
