she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
