My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
