Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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