It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
