I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
