Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
