"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
