I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
