Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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