Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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