What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sober January is a disaster.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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