Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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