i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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