you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
