Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
