I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
