is your mom at the bar?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
