We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
