do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
