my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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