I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
