he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
