You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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