Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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