i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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