I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
