The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
