oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
