Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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