i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
