Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
