even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
