Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
