I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
