If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
