Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
