I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
