I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
