youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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