I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
