i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
