Only a mothe r could love this liver
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
