Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
