Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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