Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
