She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Boobs are out for the taking
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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