I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
