I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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