I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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