I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
