I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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