Buhtt sex?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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