i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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