Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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