so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize